Confidence Hacks: 99 Small Actions to Massively Boost Your Confidence Read online

  Action Steps: When you wake up in the morning, stand in front of your mirror and smile at yourself. Yes, you will feel foolish, but practice smiling to yourself for a minute or two. When you're in your car or alone at your desk, practice smiling. Be aware of the impact smiling has on other people, and remind yourself to smile more often with others.

  63. Pay attention to posture.

  You practice good posture when your position sitting or standing creates the least amount of strain on supporting muscles and ligaments. When you sit, your back is straight, your rear is against the back of the chair, your feet are flat on the floor, and you bend your knees at a right angle. When standing you should be able to draw an imaginary straight line from your earlobe through your shoulder, hip, knee and the middle of your ankle. Good posture is essential for avoiding back and neck pain, prevention muscle aches, and keeping your bones and joints in proper alignment. It opens airways to ensure proper breathing, which allows all of your organs and tissues to function properly. Good posture also reflects a confident demeanor to others. When you stand straight, with your shoulders back and head held high, you look self-assured and poised.

  Action Steps: Notice your posture right now, as you are reading this book. Are you slumped in your chair with your back bent, neck forward, and shoulders hunched? Practice sitting and standing with correct posture. Look at yourself in the mirror and make adjustments so you feel the proper alignment of your body. Wear a rubber band on your wrist or some other physical reminder to stand or sit up straight. Ask a family member to notice your posture and comment when it's bad. When you enter a room of people or a meeting, correct your posture before you walk in the room.

  64. Use power poses.

  Social psychologist Amy Cuddy revealed in her 2012 TED talk that standing or sitting with certain poses for as little two minutes raises testosterone levels and lowers cortisol (the stress hormone). These poses can impact your performance, as well as your success at work, with clients, and in your relationships. Many of the poses involve opening your body and taking up space, making you feel more confident and powerful. Says Cuddy, "Our research has broad implications for people who suffer from feelings of powerlessness and low self-esteem due to their hierarchical rank or lack of resources."

  Action Steps: Watch Amy Cuddy's TED talk on body language. Make note of the various power poses she explains. You can also read this article to see pictures of people in these poses. Select two or three poses that you might practice by yourself and in professional situations when you want to appear and feel powerful. Practice doing these poses every day for a few weeks until they feel natural.

  65. Use engaged body language.

  If you want to reach an agreement, win the girl, persuade someone to your side of things, engaged body language gives you more confidence and sends powerful messages to others to win them over. Engaged body language involves using open gestures, smiling and nodding, and mirroring the expressions and movements of the other person. Once you've reached your goal, seal the deal by offering a firm handshake, saying "thank you", and using good posture.

  Action Steps:Think about upcoming situations in which you want to reach an agreement or win someone over. Practice the encounter beforehand using engaged body language. In casual conversation, practice mirroring expressions and movements so you feel confident with it before your big meeting.

  66. Remember your arms and legs.

  Crossing your arms suggests you feel defensive, self-protective, and closed off. Crossing your legs away from another person can suggest you dislike them or feel discomfort. Crossing your ankles can signal you're holding something back and not expressing it (unless you're a woman who was taught to do this as a "ladylike" position).If you clasp your hands behind your back, you might be saying you feel bored, anxious, or even angry. Hands clasped and crossed over the genitals is a self comfort gesture that reveals vulnerability or shyness. Tapping your fingers and fidgeting tells others you are bored, impatient, or frustrated.

  Action Steps: Begin to pay attention to what you do with your arms and legs in certain situations. Notice how you are feeling when your arms and/or legs are crossed. What is the other person saying or doing, and why might you feel defensive or closed off? Begin to change the position of your arms and legs. Put your hands in your lap when sitting and by your side when standing. Crossing your legs at the knee for comfort is fine, as long as it's not combined with crossed arms.

  67. Have a strong handshake.

  A firm, sold handshake is a universal sign of confidence, and everyone, including women, should have one. A handshake should be strong, but not crushing, offered with a cool dry hand and a few up and down shakes, as well as a few seconds of eye contact. It is a sign of mutual respect from both parties and makes a great first impression. A sweaty, limp, "dead fish" handshake has the opposite effect. Whether or not you feel confident, a firm handshake will boost your feelings and make others see you as more confident.

  Action Steps: Ask several people you trust to assess your handshake. Have them make note of your grip, the feeling of your palms, whether you pump their hand appropriately, and if you make eye contact. Make note of their feedback, and practice your revised handshake with people you don't know.

  68. Dress for confidence.

  In a 2012 study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, subjects who wore doctors' lab coats scored higher on attention-related tasks than did those who did not. Clothes do make a difference in how we perceive ourselves, and how others perceive us. Dressing confidently is more than wearing the trendiest fashion. It's about feeling good, looking poised and being self-assured in all situations. It's also about sending the right message to the people you are with. You can boost your confidence about yourself and your attire when you dress appropriately for the occasion, know the audience, reflect your personal style, and understand the impact of color.

  Action Steps: Does your wardrobe add to your confidence or diminish it? Do you often find yourself in sloppy clothing or not dressed appropriately for the situation? Dressing well will add to your confidence, even when you are feeling down. Determine your personal style by looking at magazines or blogs to see what you like. Learn about the impact of wearing certain colors by reading this article. If necessary, purchase a few classic pieces to add to your wardrobe that make you feel confident and powerful.

  69. Stop fidgeting.

  Over 500 managers surveyed by Adecco USA, a workforce solutions company, said that one fifth of the candidates they've rejected for a position were fidgeters. They felt it betrayed a lack of confidence and a lack of preparation for the interview. Fidgeting, like twirling your hair, shaking your foot, or biting your nails, is an obvious sign of anxiety and nervousness. These nervous movements draw attention away from what you're saying and distract people from your message. Avoid touching your face or neck which also indicates you feel anxious. Fidgeting sends the message loud and clear that you aren't self-assured.

  Action Steps: Do you have some regular fidgeting habits? Have others commented on these behaviors in the past? Start to pay attention to how you fidget and what triggers these actions. Think about what you can do to replace these nervous habits when you encounter the trigger. You could hold your hands in your lap, use your hands to gesticulate when you speak, or hold a pen and pad. If you shake your foot or knee, place both feet flat on the floor. When you feel the urge to fidget and have nervous energy, take a few deep, calming breaths.

  70. Practice appropriate eye contact.

  Eye contact suggests you're truthful, engaging, and approachable. It imparts a sense of intimacy and confidence to your interactions, and makes the other person feel more positive and connected to you. However, too much eye contact can send the signal you're aggressive or maybe even a little strange. When eye contact goes from gazing to staring, it makes people uncomfortable and actually activates their sympathetic nervous system. According to Michael Ellsberg, author of The Power of Eye Contact, "In o
rder for eye contact to feel good, one person cannot impose his visual will on another; it is a shared experience."

  Action Steps: If you feel uncomfortable making eye contact, start to get comfortable by practicing with family and friends. Look them in the eye for about 50–60 percent of the conversation ideally. When you break eye contact, look to the side rather than down. Looking down signals lower-status, shame, and/or submission. As you get more confident with eye contact with family and friends, practice it with people at work or out in public.

  Thinking

  "Begin challenging your own assumptions.

  Your assumptions are your windows on the world.

  Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won't come in."

  ~ Alan Alda

  Changing your thoughts is the most essential aspect of boosting your confidence. Your thoughts create your reality. Your thoughts also produce the emotions you have about yourself and your abilities. If you think you're incapable, not smart enough, or lacking in some way, you're flooded with negative feelings that suck your energy and motivation.

  Also when you have fearful, diminishing thoughts, all of your other efforts toward building confidence are compromised. These other efforts can help shift your thoughts, but if you are mentally resisting the actions you're taking, the process is slower and more cumbersome.

  The optimal way to approach creating confidence is by changing your thoughts and your behavior at the same time, even if you have feelings of fear or doubt. By mindfully ceasing old thought patterns and replacing them with new ones, you're teaching your brain new habits and creating new neural pathways. Taking confident action helps solidify your new thoughts, as it provides tangible evidence your thoughts are true and reinforces your mental efforts.

  As you shift your thinking about yourself and your confidence, and support that shift with confident actions, you'll notice your emotions will follow suit. You'll feel less and less insecure and anxious, and increasingly self-assured about your capacity for success and happiness.

  71. Notice negative thought patterns.

  Random thoughts float around in your head like uninvited guests. There's an endless voice chattering away like a monkey about life events, your daily to-do list, or the lunchbox you forgot to give to your child. If you examined your thoughts, you'd see many of them, probably most of them, are negative and self-sabotaging. You dwell on the past, worry about the future, obsess about failures and mistakes, battle shame and guilt, and allow your thoughts to drift into mine shafts of negativity and anger.

  Action Steps:Awareness is always the first step toward change. For a few days, mindfully notice your thoughts. This will take some focus, so you may want to post reminders around your house, your car, and your office. Try to notice patterns of negative thinking and the triggers that set off the thoughts. Make notes about these patterns and the topics of your negative thoughts so you don't forget.

  72. Practice pattern interrupts.

  As you become aware of patterns of negative thinking, your goal is to break the patterns. The more you allow negative thoughts to have free reign in your mind, the stronger and more debilitating they become. Repetitive negative thinking can lead to depression, anxiety, and even physical illness. It can certainly prevent you from being happy, productive, and confident. Beyond just breaking the thought pattern, you want to replace the negative thought with a positive thought. If you leave a void, your brain will automatically return to the negative thinking pattern.

  Action Steps: Put a rubber band on your wrist, and every time you notice negative thoughts arising, gently pop the rubber band as a physical pattern interrupt for your brain. Create a positive statement that's the opposite of the negative thought. For example, if your negative thought was, "I'll never finish this project on time," change the thought to, "I have all the time I need to finish the project completely and successfully." Even if you don't believe the new thought initially, say it out loud if possible and to yourself several times. Don't worry if it feels silly or useless. You are taking control of your thoughts and retraining your brain.

  73. Replace thought loops with action.

  Interrupting negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones is a powerful tool for change. You can reinforce this practice with action. When you are focused on something that requires mental focus or physical exertion, your brain is occupied with the task at hand. Have you noticed when you're engaged in a project, intently focused on a sport, or doing anything that's challenging, your worries disappear—at least for a while? Action prevents you from getting stuck in negative thought loops, and it has the further advantage of allowing you to do something productive or useful. Taking control of your thoughts, deciding to take action, and accomplishing something useful all add to your confidence.

  Action Steps: Plan ahead for this strategy by choosing activities or projects you enjoy that require focus and attention. It could be something creative like cooking, drawing, or playing an instrument, or it could be a work project or household task that is mentally challenging. It needs to require enough focus that your mind doesn't wander to your negative thoughts. When you notice yourself in a negative loop, replace the thought as outlined in #72, and then take action on one of your pre-planned activities. As you practice, your negative thoughts will simply become a trigger for positive thought and action. You might even come to view negative thoughts as your motivator.

  74. Challenge limiting beliefs.

  Negative thoughts that have had years to percolate in your mind will grow into limiting beliefs. These beliefs might have had some element of truth initially, or they may have no truth at all, but you accepted them as truth because they were implanted so powerfully. Limiting beliefs often go back to childhood experiences, and the pain that accompanies the beliefs makes it very difficult to disengage from them. However, when you challenge these beliefs and shine the light of truth on them, you can begin to loosen the stronghold they have on you and your confidence.

  Action Steps:Think about the limiting beliefs you have about yourself. These beliefs often relate to your worthiness, your desirability, your intelligence, your appearance, your personality, or your abilities. In some area of your life, you were told or it was implied you weren't "enough." Write down these limiting beliefs. Then think about the initial source or reason you adopted the belief in the first place. Now think about how the belief is no longer true for you or maybe never was true. Find specific evidence in your life that contradicts the belief. If you can't find the evidence, what could you do to create it now or in the future?

  75. Learn to meditate.

  Meditation is an approach to training the mind, similar to the way that fitness is an approach to training the body. There are many goals to meditation, but one of the main benefits is the ability to detach from your thoughts, releasing their control over you, and to simply be present in the moment. As you grow in a meditation practice, you'll find it far easier in your daily life to release your thoughts without judgment, thus avoiding many of the negative feelings that accompany the thoughts. Of course, meditation has a myriad of other benefits for your health and well-being, all of which support your efforts toward building your confidence.

  Action Steps:Read this article on my site about the benefits of meditation. You'll discover how powerful the practice is and why you should begin a meditation practice. Consider adding meditation as a daily practice. Begin with just five minutes a day immediately after a trigger (an established habit like brushing your teeth). Slowly increase your meditation time each week until you reach your desired time to meditate. Begin to notice how the practice of meditation is impacting your thinking during the day. You can read more about how to practice meditation in this article.

  76. Practice daily gratitude.

  Through the dark cloud of negative thinking, we often fail to see the good in our lives. We don't acknowledge the people, experiences, and successes we've enjoyed in the past and continue to enjoy every day. A variety o
f studies have proven the power of expressing gratitude and its impact on our happiness, self-esteem, and confidence. A University of California study revealed those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. They also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than the control groups who didn't express gratitude.

  Action Steps: Keep a gratitude journal, and every evening before bed write down everything you are grateful for. Think about people in your past or present life who have positively impacted you, and write them a letter expressing your gratitude. Also, write down the benefits you enjoy in your life that you take for granted—enough food, clean water, a comfortable bed for example. Use thoughts of gratitude as replacement thoughts for negative thinking.

  77. Develop present moment awareness.

  Meditation grounds you in the present moment as you release thoughts and focus on breathing. However, you can't meditate all day. You have responsibilities to take care of and people you want to connect with. However, you can pull one element of meditation to use in your daily life. This element is mindfulness—present moment awareness and engagement. Even when you're engaged in "mindless" activities like doing the dishes or washing the car, you can redirect your attention to the task at hand and find joy and satisfaction in what you're doing. Mindful action and attention trains your brain to stay in the only reality available to us—the present moment.